The umbrella of love

The tea leaf reading predictions were coming true, at least in part. I had left the man I had been dating for 6 years, was now living with my aunt and uncle and due to move to England.

If I had any sense I would have stayed living with my aunt and uncle for a few more years, grown up a little more. I was chronologically 26 years old but socially/emotionally I was much younger. I did not know it at the time but while I was living with my aunt and uncle I was the safest and most loved that I had been for all of my adult life to date. Looking back on that time fills me warmth, a sense of well being and of belonging.

About 3 months after I moved into my aunt and uncle’s, the bar I had been working in closed down leaving me without a job. I couldn't afford to continue nursing school without a job to pay my bills. I was getting regular phone calls from an English man who thought he had fallen in love me and wanted me to move out there. I later realised he was only ever in love with the idea of me and was not able to deal with the reality of my rigidly routine bound semi - sociable mentality.

In the short time I knew him; I had learned that he would never consider moving to Canada. If I wanted to make this work I would have to move to England. Much to my mother and aunt’s horror I decided to do it.

Even though I had lived thousands of miles away from my mom for several years and had not relied on her for anything for an even longer amount of time, she decided that she did not want me to move so far away and even phoned my grandmother with her worries. It was the best thing she could have done from my point of view because my grandmother was English born and had come to Canada as a war bride.

‘It is nothing more than following a family tradition in reverse.’ Grammie said in a futile attempt to reassure my mother.

‘I want a copy of his passport number!’ my aunt demanded as if that would prevent me from coming to any harm.

I, on the other hand, in love with the idea of someone being in love with me, was not at all concerned. I convinced myself that should I ever need rescuing while in England then all I had to do was find a Freemason and ask for help.

In what seemed no time at all, I had quit nursing school, told Paul to stop bothering my family with his lies about how much he loved me, how wonderful he had been to me, how he couldn't understand why I would leave him and so on and packed up my belongings.

When I said goodbye to my aunt, she barked ‘Go! Just go!’

Thinking she meant I was wasting precious travelling time I made my way to the door and suddenly heard her making a weird noise. I looked back to see her in floods of tears which started me crying as I suddenly realised the enormity of what I was about to do.

I took a deep breath and stepped out into the fragrant warmth of their front garden where my uncle waited in his truck with my luggage stowed in the back. I waved to my aunt who was watching me through the window.

I felt as if my wave was a final farewell to the warmth of her love, not yet understanding that real love never abandons anyone that is under its umbrella.